


hold on, i still need you

by eleftheriawrites



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Death, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleftheriawrites/pseuds/eleftheriawrites
Summary: Bucky and Steve both lost something that day.(or, That Scene told from Bucky’s and Steve’s points of view.)WARNING: AVENGERS:INFINITY WAR SPOILERS





	1. your silence inside me

**Author's Note:**

> I saw Infinity War yesterday and I couldn’t help myself from writing fic. So enjoy even more suffering. 
> 
> Title: from the song “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet

Bucky knew something was happening as soon as the bright light passed and he stood in the middle of the Wakandan forest without a giant purple alien kneeling next to Thor any longer. He could feel it in his chest, spreading everywhere and nowhere. It was almost like he couldn’t breathe, or maybe that was just the panic overcoming him at yet again being controlled by something that _he_ couldn’t control. 

His hands tingled, and he even felt the sensation in his newly-attached vibranium arm. A shaky breath left his mouth; he hadn’t been able to feel anything in his left arm since he fell from the train. When he felt the tingling crawl up his throat and into his head, he frantically looked around him. He saw some of T’Challa’s men, and he could see the Hulk Iron Man suit peeking above the trees. He ran as quickly as he could while the nausea nearly overcame him. Pain sprouted in his hands and his feet, but he knew pain. He could handle it. He just needed to find Steve. 

He needed to see him. He needed to tell him that— tell him what? Tell him everything that he had ever felt for the scrawny boy to the towering man he had transformed into? Tell him that he had remembered him after the fight on the bridge? Tell him that he was the most important person in the universe? Tell him that he loved him?

Breaking through the tree line, he saw Steve staring, confused, at the spot Thanos had presumably just vanished from. Thor knelt on the ground, holding the hammer in his hand with a fear in his eyes that Bucky knew himself all too well. Hulk—or, Banner—stood in the enlarged suit, eyes sad. Had they lost? What was this feeling that was still overcoming him, and was it overcoming anyone else? He looked down as he walked a step closer to Steve and saw his fingers dissolving into thin air.

“No,” he whispered and his head shot upwards, meeting Steve’s back. “Steve?” He allowed the fear to creep into his voice when the majority of his arm fell into dust. He felt the rest going too soon. Too soon, when he and Steve had only just reunited again. It was too soon. He needed more time. _They_ needed more time. 

Steve turned around at the last second, eyes widening when he saw more pieces of Bucky shattering, disappearing, leaving him. Steve took a step forward, and Bucky was gone.


	2. can you hear me screaming

Steve didn’t know what had happened. For one moment, he thought they had won. Thanos’s eyes had begun drifting shut and his words to Thor were slurred as Thor’s new hammer stuck out of his chest. He thought it was over. He should’ve known better. 

He saw Thanos’ lips move once more and Thor looked at the giant purple hand as it snapped its fingers. No one could have done anything to stop it. Steve simply stared, cowering from the bright light that omitted from the gauntlet, and when he opened his eyes once again, Thanos was gone. Thor still knelt in his place, hammer in hand and watching their surroundings blankly, almost as if he waited for Thanos to return. 

“Where’d he go,” Steve said, panic rising in his chest. Did they win? Where did he go? Did they _win?_ “Thor, where did he _go.”_

Thor looked up at him, and Steve wondered what he had been through before he arrived on Earth for such permanent grief to reside in his eyes. He knew the look. He’d felt it when he’d received news that Bucky was captured. When Bucky fell from the train. When he realized Bucky was alive again, but not himself. When Bucky went into cryo again. 

Steve looked around, lost. And then he heard him before he saw him. 

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice was weak, confused, scared. Steve turned around and continued to stare, blank. The expression on Bucky’s face was parallel to his expression on the train, when he hung onto a loose railing that was bound to drop him to his death. Bucky’s gaze drifted to his own arm and watched as it dissolved into dust. Steve watched, too, stunned. 

_Bucky,_ he thought, screaming in his mind, but he didn’t say it aloud. He couldn’t. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. Bucky’s eyes met his for one moment, and Steve tried to convey everything he had never said but always felt. He kept his gaze for only a short moment before Bucky disappeared into the air, and Steve was only staring out at the Wakandan jungle in front of him. 

Numbly, he limped over to the pile of dust and ashes and _Bucky_ and collapsed to his knees, hand barely touching the ground before wrenching it back against his chest and losing the air in his lungs. He launched to his feet and turned his head just in time to see Sam lying on the ground a few yards away, turning transparent and soon dissolving too quickly. And then Wanda, and T’Challa. So many Wakandan warriors. 

And as soon as he realized what had truly happened, he let himself fall next to Vision’s graying body and sob. “Oh, god.” 

Again, he knew his eyes showed the permanent grief that it had shown too many times for his liking, and this time, he wasn’t sure it would ever go away.


End file.
